Duty, responsibility and greed

Qu, you are my hero! Thanks for getting this set up; as the self appointed Tuesday Night Rover I appreciate the ability to keep in touch and read what is going on with all of you and share in your triumphs and tragedies. That being said, I will take just a moment to vent and get you all up to speed on where I am right now...

As most of you know, I am in Norfolk, VA right now babysitting our ship as she blunders her way through a shipyard period. The whole operation has been a bit of a cluster-fuck from the beginning, but that is pretty much expected and not much to write home about. The question I have been struggling with, and which I would pose to the wisdom of the Tuesday Night sages, is this: is my continued presence here a result of my desire to follow through on my duties and responsibilities (basically being a good steward) or does it unveil a core of unadulterated greed driving my actions? As with most situations, it is probably not as much one or the other so much as a balance between the two motives, but I really hope I am driven more by something resembling integrity than by a baser, selfish impulse.

The truth of the matter is that I do feel a strong obligation to do what I can for this ship because it has been so instrumental in getting me started sailing. That is why I keep coming back early when they call me up and why I haven't looked for a job elsewhere when it looks like there might not be work when I expect to need it. And we are passing through a very tumultuous time in the ship's life due to shuffling around of management and a bunch of other things I can't really get into. As a result of all the upheaval, we (the crew) are holding tenaciously to our positions, trying to ride out all of the transitions and shuffling going on as people displaced from other ships are trying to edge in where they can. Which leads me to the greed argument...

Even before I came out for this trip in September, I already had enough time in 2007 to count as a "good year" and I did not really need to come back out, but I did because they called. Now that I am here, I could leave at the end of my 4 months and not look back; basically roll the dice and hope that when I am ready to come back to work there will be a job somewhere. But I like this job and as I said the crew is trying to stay more or less intact, so we are arranging a short relief where I pretty much just go home for January and come back out in February to relieve my friend, thereby essentially holding down the position and not allowing any evil outsiders to sneak into that spot. Think of it as an adult version of musical chairs; the people not on a ship when the decisions are made may or may not have a job anymore, the people who are on the ship most likely will be able to keep the job.

I don't know if any of that makes sense but that is what has been going on in my life the last few weeks. We are trying to make plans without the benefit of a definite timeline of the upcoming events and it is driving everyone a bit batty (just like me, right Curt?!). I am trying to do what I can to make sure that I will be employed for the near foreseeable future while I try not to be sucked into a mindset or pattern of behavior driven by greed. Sometimes it feels like I am tap dancing on a tightrope. Oh, and I just in case you didn't catch it in there, I will be coming home in early January, be around for a couple weeks and then leave again in February. So that will be a wham-bam-thank-you-mam kinda visit.

I hope all of you are doing well and I will look forward to reading all of your posts in the future. Take care and keep in touch!